Dipping a toe into the Seattle single scene pool
I met with at Three Day Rule (TDR) match maker Rachael about a week and a half ago. I had no expectations going into this meeting. What I knew was that this is a match making service, where the match makers meet with everyone in person and hand pick matches for you.
First off Rachael made me feel really comfortable, she explained how it works and what type of information/people they were looking for. Over all it took about an hour and I had a great time! It was really interesting going through the list of what I am looking for in a person, what qualities I think that I have to offer and what qualities I would like in a partner. We discussed everything from finances, education, religion, marriage and family, leisure, politics. All things that we as individuals have strong feelings, about but not things that I have really ever had to articulate to someone I didn't know! I had to dig deep and be really honest with someone who was analyzing my answers and putting them into a database to potentially match me up with someone. This reminded me of this show I watch called Married at First Sight. If that show came to Seattle I would definitely be up for it.
There is something intriguing to me about putting all your cards out there on the table and going all in on a leap of faith. Which I know makes no sense for me, based on my dating track record. I think it has something to do with the expectation part of it. I typically go through life with no expectations and when amazing things happen I think, well that was awesome! If something turns out bad, then I see it as a lesson learned and I can move on with this new found useful knowledge on how to do something and/or be better, in my back pocket. Why that can't that attitude translate into relationships for me? A questions I have never thought to ask myself. My sense is that it has to do with my inability... more like previous unwillingness to be vulnerable. This is a comping mechanism that I have developed early on. If you don't trust or rely on someone then they can't let you down. Then there are expectations that I have for a relationship, not only for myself but also the expectations I have for a partner. Maybe they are unrealistic expectations that I know that no one can meet, so by setting them I just spare myself the heartache and need to be vulnerable. That sounds like a pretty legitimate assessment for now, so lets just go with that. I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before or not, but I have noticed this pattern in myself. I am great at summer flings or dating people who live in other countries who I am able to be my amazing self with, and just give into what a great relationship would be, because I know there is a specific end date and that logistically it won't be able to work. Either I move back to the US in a few months/years, or you are leaving and going to grad school in a different country in the fall or your tour is up and you get sent to another post. These are all things that I can plan for and that are beyond either of our control. The relationship ends on a good note, neither one of use did anything to the other that was bad and we stay friends. I can't even count how many of those relationships I've had, which in the grand scheme of things I don't actually count as real relationships. Wow I just went off on a huge tangent. Let me get back on track!
I left my interview, with this odd, new found confidence. Coming off of the weird break up with Gerry (who I hadn't heard from again) I was feeling like I always feel about dating... its terrible and this is why I don't do it! But Rachael was so supportive and affirmed a lot of the things I was saying. Yes, I realize this is her job but she is clearly good at it! She specifically told me that I am "a catch" and that she would definitely be able to keep me "busy with dates this summer". So the way it works is I am in the dating pool. I am not a paying customer so I am not guaranteed dates, but I am eligible to get matched up with her paying customers. I guess just hearing her say that she thought that I was really great and beautiful, was such a huge confidence booster. I definitely have self esteem issues that I don't think most people around me realize. I am a very confident person when it comes to my intelligence, career, talents... and well a lot of other things. I am not so confident when it comes to my looks. I strongly believe that I am the cool, fun or down to earth girl with the good personality and big boobs, but I am never the beautiful one. I strongly believe that I am not the one who catches your eye first in a group or who guys want to hit on first, I do however believe that I am the default. The one they end up talking to when they get dissed by the pretty girls? I know that once someone gets to know me they think I am pretty. I know it's weird, I've been told by people that I make it clear that I hate to be called pretty, (mostly because I don't believe it) apparently I often say, "beauty fades, you better make sure that there is something else under that beauty that you actually like". I love Greys Anatomy and my favorite Christina Yang quote is “Oh, screw beautiful, I’m brilliant. You wanna appease me, compliment my brain!”. That's me without a doubt.
So I leave this "interview" with an optimistic outlook, there are events coming up that I will get invited to. Events where there will be smart, attractive, busy professional, single men who are looking for an actual relationship. That is so different than your average fuck boy, who has a wife at home that he forgot to mention or that wants the fun, easy parts and none of the commitment/responsibility parts. Also this doesn't feel like there is any pressure, thus there are no expectations. I just expect to go to fun events and have a fun time like I always do. The first event I had on the books was a Comedy type show called The Great Love Debate at the Parlor in Bellevue. I really didn't know what to expect other than a comedy show for singles, where they seperate men and women and it is run town hall style. The event happened this week. It was great! I would recommend it to anyone who is single. It is coming back to Seattle in August FYI. I have waaaay too much material to write about that event so that will be in the next post!
First off Rachael made me feel really comfortable, she explained how it works and what type of information/people they were looking for. Over all it took about an hour and I had a great time! It was really interesting going through the list of what I am looking for in a person, what qualities I think that I have to offer and what qualities I would like in a partner. We discussed everything from finances, education, religion, marriage and family, leisure, politics. All things that we as individuals have strong feelings, about but not things that I have really ever had to articulate to someone I didn't know! I had to dig deep and be really honest with someone who was analyzing my answers and putting them into a database to potentially match me up with someone. This reminded me of this show I watch called Married at First Sight. If that show came to Seattle I would definitely be up for it.
There is something intriguing to me about putting all your cards out there on the table and going all in on a leap of faith. Which I know makes no sense for me, based on my dating track record. I think it has something to do with the expectation part of it. I typically go through life with no expectations and when amazing things happen I think, well that was awesome! If something turns out bad, then I see it as a lesson learned and I can move on with this new found useful knowledge on how to do something and/or be better, in my back pocket. Why that can't that attitude translate into relationships for me? A questions I have never thought to ask myself. My sense is that it has to do with my inability... more like previous unwillingness to be vulnerable. This is a comping mechanism that I have developed early on. If you don't trust or rely on someone then they can't let you down. Then there are expectations that I have for a relationship, not only for myself but also the expectations I have for a partner. Maybe they are unrealistic expectations that I know that no one can meet, so by setting them I just spare myself the heartache and need to be vulnerable. That sounds like a pretty legitimate assessment for now, so lets just go with that. I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before or not, but I have noticed this pattern in myself. I am great at summer flings or dating people who live in other countries who I am able to be my amazing self with, and just give into what a great relationship would be, because I know there is a specific end date and that logistically it won't be able to work. Either I move back to the US in a few months/years, or you are leaving and going to grad school in a different country in the fall or your tour is up and you get sent to another post. These are all things that I can plan for and that are beyond either of our control. The relationship ends on a good note, neither one of use did anything to the other that was bad and we stay friends. I can't even count how many of those relationships I've had, which in the grand scheme of things I don't actually count as real relationships. Wow I just went off on a huge tangent. Let me get back on track!
I left my interview, with this odd, new found confidence. Coming off of the weird break up with Gerry (who I hadn't heard from again) I was feeling like I always feel about dating... its terrible and this is why I don't do it! But Rachael was so supportive and affirmed a lot of the things I was saying. Yes, I realize this is her job but she is clearly good at it! She specifically told me that I am "a catch" and that she would definitely be able to keep me "busy with dates this summer". So the way it works is I am in the dating pool. I am not a paying customer so I am not guaranteed dates, but I am eligible to get matched up with her paying customers. I guess just hearing her say that she thought that I was really great and beautiful, was such a huge confidence booster. I definitely have self esteem issues that I don't think most people around me realize. I am a very confident person when it comes to my intelligence, career, talents... and well a lot of other things. I am not so confident when it comes to my looks. I strongly believe that I am the cool, fun or down to earth girl with the good personality and big boobs, but I am never the beautiful one. I strongly believe that I am not the one who catches your eye first in a group or who guys want to hit on first, I do however believe that I am the default. The one they end up talking to when they get dissed by the pretty girls? I know that once someone gets to know me they think I am pretty. I know it's weird, I've been told by people that I make it clear that I hate to be called pretty, (mostly because I don't believe it) apparently I often say, "beauty fades, you better make sure that there is something else under that beauty that you actually like". I love Greys Anatomy and my favorite Christina Yang quote is “Oh, screw beautiful, I’m brilliant. You wanna appease me, compliment my brain!”. That's me without a doubt.
So I leave this "interview" with an optimistic outlook, there are events coming up that I will get invited to. Events where there will be smart, attractive, busy professional, single men who are looking for an actual relationship. That is so different than your average fuck boy, who has a wife at home that he forgot to mention or that wants the fun, easy parts and none of the commitment/responsibility parts. Also this doesn't feel like there is any pressure, thus there are no expectations. I just expect to go to fun events and have a fun time like I always do. The first event I had on the books was a Comedy type show called The Great Love Debate at the Parlor in Bellevue. I really didn't know what to expect other than a comedy show for singles, where they seperate men and women and it is run town hall style. The event happened this week. It was great! I would recommend it to anyone who is single. It is coming back to Seattle in August FYI. I have waaaay too much material to write about that event so that will be in the next post!
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